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Writing Guidelines

As an Evilsponge, people think I donít have taste. "He just sits there," they think, "soaking up whatever happens to be nearby." Which is just what i want them to do -- underestimate me just becaue i lack a spine!

It turns out that i am very particular about how the world sees me. I don't take just anyone on as a Minion, oh no -- only quality humans get to serve me directly. And my quest for quality carries over to what my Minions write on this site. If we post a review here, it has my name attached to it, and want to make quite sure it's adheres to my standards of quality.

So what makes a quality review, you ask? Shut up and i'll tell you, feeble-minded vertebrate.

Firstly, take a look at these reviews for some pointers from existing Minions. There are the reviews i consider to be the best of what we have up here.

Album reviews:
Big Lazy by Big Lazy
England Half English by Billy Bragg
Victorialand by Cocteau Twins
Change by The Dismemberment Plan
Something Must Be Transmitted Somehow by The Eskimos
Kill The Messenger by The Indicators
Concert Reviews:
MORELAND AUDIO w/ Rizzudo and Copa Vance
THE DEATHRAY DAVIES w/ French Toast

If you read those reviews and keep them in mind when you wriite your own, you will do fine. Additionally, here are a few guiding principles that I make all of my Minions write by. Keep these in mind as you writel.

  1. The term "good" means different things to different people. For example, soaking in a brine all day is "good" to me, but probably not very "good" to you, or your brittle skin. The same carries over for music, movies, or what have you. Itís always safer to give people an idea of why you like a given thing as well as a description of what that is. To say Britney Spears and Jellyroll Morton and Metallica are all ďgoodĒ doesnít help someone who only likes country music. Give some idea of what youíre watching or listening to and how it compares to other things in that same medium.
  2. I want details, and so do the readers, so be specific in your review, mentioning details of a particular song, chord progression, or lyric. Tell the masses what you like and donít like in detail.
  3. Try to stick to the review. If i want your opinion about Whiffle Balls I'll bloody well ask you for a review of them. In the mean time, I told you to review an album/concert/movie, so stay on task.
  4. Gratutious profanity and naked people bore me (why do humans obsess so much over their feeble reproductive processes?), so lay off it. I mean, if it is important in some way to what youíre reviewing, well fine. But do you really need a string of four-letter words or a gallery of porno pics to critique a song? I don't think so.

As you can see, I am largely open to suggestion as to what type of content you write or the majority of the fine details in how you write. (Some people might joke that my "openness" is due to the porous nature of my spongey body. Those people would be well advised to watch their backs! Especially near the sea....)

I want each Minion to develop their own voice as a writer. I will never tell you, "We donít rate [that type of music/movie/whatever] highly here. And i expect you to try and maintain a degree of impartiality. I understand that humans can never be truly impartial, but if you at least let people know where you prejudices are, it will usually be enough.

So you still want to write for me? Excellent. Send you samples to brendan@evilsponge.org and we shall see what we shall see.

 
     

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